Death Midwife

I really don't think about death all of the time. But, I do think about it a lot more than the average person. This is mainly because I deal with it on a daily basis, because, I am a nurse at a facility that specializes in end of life care. I have personally been a part of 30 deaths in the 16 months. Every one of those deaths were different. Some deaths were long and quiet and a few were fast and loud. I had the honor of being a part of a family "green" funeral where we played music and rubbed essential oils on their deceased loved one and helped lower her into a beautiful homemade casket. It was an amazing experience that I will always remember and taught me more than I can even say. It was after this death that I learned of the saying "death midwife". Giving birth is an indescribable and different experience for every woman just like death is for every person. Not all of us are fortunate enough to have a quick death where you go to sleep and never wake up. Most people need help. By "help" I mean spiritual and emotional and medical support. A dying person needs a dedicated team. I really do believe that people only die when it is "their time". I have seen people go weeks with no food and water and still they lay there and, their heart still beats and, they still breath those shallow breaths. I have seen someone who talks and laughs with me at the beginning of my shift and they are gone before I leave work that same day. I have had the honor of holding a few hands while they breathe their last breath and they cross over to the other side. On the edge of life and death...nobody speaks and you sit there in silence waiting, and that person is no more...and, you and I are different.
I know their story and the people in it and, they are gone. Every now and then it strikes me...what I do is deep. There are no words or, I am at a loss to describe the feelings that run through my head all at once and how different and changed I am by every death experience. I have gained so much and I have lost so much at the same time. I go back though because, it is important and people need someone to help them through the dark times and feel reassured and understand and be at peace with the unknown. I am grateful for every story, there are many and, I am am lucky that they have all shared them with me.

Long Time

It has been quite some time since I have been here. Our baby Saige is coming up on 15 months. She is amazing just like Olivia. It will be five years since mom passed this week. So much has happened in five years...Losing mom,building/moving into our first house,having two babies and becoming a nurse! Dad has found a girlfriend that he cares for very much. It has been 6 months. She seems very nice and he appears very happy. I don't talk much about mom to Olivia. She doesn't ask me a lot of questions about her. We are still undecided about adding to our family anymore...Nick would like a little boy but, I tend to think that we would try one more time for a boy and end up with twin girls. Which, would be fine with me! I like having girls. I hope I can raise my girls up to be amazing, courageous women. ~'til next time.....