Ouch

"I dont't want a funeral anymore."

"WHY?"

"I dont want him to be there. I am a sick woman"

"I dont understand. How can you be this way? You are dying. How can you be this way to me? Why are you kicking us out?"

"I'm not kicking you out just him. I mean it I dont want him here. I dont want to see him."
..........................................................................................................................................................................

"Good why dont you just tell her how I am a terrible daughter"

"I already did"

"I dont believe this!"

I am a sick woman!
I am a sick woman!
I am a sick woman!

30

Thirty is around the corner and it is impacting me far greater than I ever expected. When was it that I became an adult? Someone with reponsibilities and a husband, and a daughter, a dead mother? Someone who lost the ability to jump up and join in with only a moments notice. Someone who knew how to have fun? Listening to songs of my youth and feeling pangs of longing for the carefree woman I was and grieving for her. I miss her. I feel like a completely different person. And, even though I like who I am now, I still long for the old me. The woman who always got carded for everything and who is slowly not getting carded for anything. This woman who I have become who is starting to notice small wrinkles around my eyes and mouth, evidence of the fun I had. And, even though I know good times are still ahead It is hard to let go of that woman. The one who was in her early twenties and how this woman I am now,almost thirty, misses her.